"I stopped caring what people think", by Reese Witherspoon
I was on my first InStyle [US edition] cover in 2002, when I was just 26. Looking at that cover now, I can’t help but feel tender towards baby Reese and anyone else who’s going through that phase of life when they’re discovering who they are, especially in the public eye. I know what she’s about to go through and endure and triumph over, but she has no idea what’s to come, despite the fact that she does look all coy and knowing. I’m an actor: I might look like I know things sometimes, but I don’t.
Sometimes I do cringe when I look back [at images of myself], but it’s only because I can’t believe I cut my hair or plucked my eyebrows a certain way. More than that, I usually just think about what a lovely way it is to remember milestones in my life, like finishing a project I was really proud of or having kids.
It’s crazy how time flies, but I’ve learned so much about myself over the years. There’s a pretty good quote in [an interview I did in] 2002 where I said, “Listening to other people’s ideas about who you are can eat you up. Do they like me? Do they hate me? You could think about it all day.” That’s something people say in their twenties. Once you’re in your forties you don’t care what people think.
I came up in a time when Hollywood was about one body type, one beauty standard [blonde hair and blue eyes]. Still, I was confident that the substance of what I had to say was more important than any external validation. I was always just being myself: a young mum, a comedian, a goofball. I’ve always been a goofball. I feel more comfortable making funny faces than serious faces, and even at 26 I wasn’t appearing on the covers of men’s magazines. That kind of hypersexualisation made me feel awkward, and if I felt that way, I didn’t want to make other women feel that way.
I’ve always valued female friendship and closeness with women over the idea of men desiring whatever persona I was putting out in the world. I think I was lucky that I always felt like I was best friends with my audience. They were my best friends. And if I lived in Ohio, I would probably be [theirs]. So, for me, it was important to remember who was looking at the pictures instead of who was taking the pictures.
I’ve always valued female friendship and closeness with women over the idea of men desiring whatever persona I was putting out in the world. I think I was lucky that I always felt like I was best friends with my audience. They were my best friends. And if I lived in Ohio, I would probably be [theirs]. So, for me, it was important to remember who was looking at the pictures instead of who was taking the pictures.
Now there are conversations being had about pay equality and representation on film. These are conversations that we were having in an echo chamber by ourselves 10 years ago. I would talk to a studio head and be told, “Well, I’m only making one movie with a woman this year.” They had no compunction saying those things to you. None! Now they would be embarrassed—and probably fired.
I’m just one of many women who were fed up with being siloed from each other, and I’m enormously encouraged by what’s happening now. Yes, there’s still a lot of bad in the world. But I’m a really optimistic person, and I find it so fulfilling to have great female partnerships. Right now I’m producing and starring in a show called Little Fires Everywhere with Kerry Washington, and it’s going great. Whether I’m working with Kerry or Nicole [Kidman] or Jennifer Aniston, it’s so fun to collaborate with these women. I’m just enjoying this time in my career. It’s a thrill to go to work. In my early twenties I used to worry a lot. I was worried about being a good mum. I was worried about being a good actress. I was worried about whether or not people respected me...or if I was kind enough or doing enough. But in the end it all works out. Really! So if there’s one thing I could tell young Reese, I would tell her not to worry. And then I’d give her a big hug.
Witherspoon stars in Morning Wars (called The Morning Show in the US), available now exclusively on Apple TV+
"I dared to take a risk", by Halle Berry
You know, 20 years ago, black faces on magazine covers were few and far between, so [my] early magazine covers meant so much to me because I knew what it meant to other black women and black little girls to see themselves represented in popular culture.
Now I get to tell my own stories and share my own photos on Instagram. Being able to run my own PR in a way on social media has been liberating. It wasn’t just to say, “Oh, look at my fabulous life.” It was like, “How can I use this as a platform to represent who I am and to show my love of art? How do I fit my kids—the biggest part of my life—in there without exploiting them?” I wanted the first image I posted in March 2016 of my bare back to show a woman who was feminine, strong and in touch with her sexuality
Honestly, I felt the sexiest during both my pregnancies. In 2007, I became a mum at 40 and knowing that someone would always be counting on me made me a better person. I’m more focused and in line with my values and my goals. I stopped letting negativity get me down. Plus, I loved being pregnant. Had I started earlier, I probably would have had five children. Or if I hadn’t been busy trying to make movies, I would have been the perfect surrogate. All the hormones made me feel amazing. I was so alive with my purpose and my femininity. It felt like my body was doing what it was built to do.
Being a mum is the best job, but my kids don’t care about who I am outside of this house. My daughter [Nahla, 11] got a sense of who I am from friends at school. And—this is funny—for the last year, my son [Maceo, six] has been saying my full name really loudly in public like, “Halle Berry, can you pass me the ketchup?” It’s just so embarrassing! [Laughs] He knows it gets a reaction from people, but he can’t quite figure out why.
The only thing I want at the end of the day is for my children to say, “You weren’t perfect, you didn’t do everything right, but you were a good mum.” I spent almost 10 years being in mum mode. Now that my youngest is starting kindergarten, I feel like I can get back into my life, and that’s important. I want to keep challenging myself and proving that I can still follow my passions, take risks, and take on characters who make me feel alive. But I prove that to myself, not to anyone else. I think that’s what keeps us young. It keeps me connected to my children because I’m alive in the world. One day they’re going to grow up, and I don’t want to be the mum who’s crying because her kids left. I want to be the mum who says, “Yes, girl, go fly. Go do you, do your life.”
Right now I’m training for a film called Bruised, where I play this disgraced MMA fighter who has to make her way back to the top for the sake of her son. It’s also my directorial debut. My second act. I’ve had so many movies that didn’t turn out the way I thought they would. You realise that as the dancing bear, you have zero power. But no matter how this movie turns out, good or bad, I dared to take the risk to do it. That’s what matters.
"I gave myself time to reorganise", by Cameron Diaz
I started [experiencing fame] when I was 22, so 25 years ago—that’s a long time. The way I look at it is that I’ve given more than half of my life to the public. I feel it’s okay for me to take time for myself now to reorganise and choose how I want to come [back] into the world. If I decide to. I don’t miss performing. Right now I’m looking at the landscape of wellness and all that.
But whatever I do, it has to be something I’m passionate about—something that just feels effortless. At this point, I’ve done so much; I feel fulfilled with the adventures I’ve sought out in my life. I’m in a great place, and the world is so different now, too.
The mid-’90s are an era that will never exist again. I’m just so grateful that I got to witness and partake in it. I look at technology now and it’s unbelievable. Sure, you can post anything at any time on Instagram and you’re able to control your own narrative, and that’s incredible. But you’re tied to your phone, and so dependent on it. We’ve= exported our entire brain capacity into this little thing we carry around in our hand.
We’ve lost touch with our humanity and our humanness, and I think it’s really healthy to not have to be accountable for every minute of our day. It’s fun to just not have anybody know what I’m up to. Because my time is all mine. I’m not selling any films, and because I’m not selling anything, I don’t have to give anybody anything. I’m not doing this anymore. I’m living my life.
You know, I think that the forties are the best decade. You just get to be real with yourself, and can also make necessary changes because you have the experience of looking back on four decades. You get to let go of giving a shit about anything. You are done! Don’t care. I really don’t. It’s such a relief. You also start to go through changes on a physical level and realise there’s nothing you can do about them. Then you get to look back at pictures and think, “Oh my God, I hated myself at that moment, but look how young I was.” Or, “Oh, wait, I have, hopefully, another 40 years of looking back at pictures not knowing how young I was.” I know right now I’m the youngest I’ll ever be. I’m a 47-year-old woman who’s like, “Hell, yeah!” I’m fine with it. I’m grateful for every moment I have. I just want to build better, stronger friendships with the people who are in it with me.
Of course, that includes my husband [musician Benji Madden]. Getting married to him was the best thing that ever happened to me. My husband’s the best. He’s the greatest human being, and he’s my great partner. Marriage is certainly hard, and it’s a lot of work. You need somebody who’s willing to do the work with you, because there’s no 60-40 in marriage. It’s 50-50, period. All the time.
I don’t know if I was ready [when I got married], but I knew Benji was special. He’s just a good man. There’s no bullshit. It’s really refreshing. I’m really grateful for him. I like doing my own thing. I like creating, so I’m just looking for the project that makes the most sense for me now. I have some things brewing, but it’s a little too early to talk about them. I love everything that my girlfriends are doing, like what Gwyneth Paltrow has done with Goop and my sister-in-law Nicole Richie with her [fashion label] House of Harlow.
Overall, I feel lucky that I got to be in the world and explore it when it was a different place. It was a real privilege.
The December issue of InStyle Australia is on sale now.
