Stop what you're doing and please - for the love of Sarah and Telv - watch this: the MAFS audition tapes, in which Troy forgets his birthday, Dean says he "needs to be the alpha male" and Nasser wears women's jeans. Spoiler alert: it only gets better.
Channel Nine has released the footage from each contestant's audition tapes (which you can watch in full here) and if they do one thing, it's sort the genuine from the fame-hunters.
Dean is predictably abhorrent, Nasser stands up in his audition to show producers how his jeans - "they're women's jeans" - perk up his behind, and then demands that whoever he's matched with has painted toenails and wears bikinis. Oh, and then he tries to hit on whoever's auditioning him. Class act.
Gabrielle and Sarah, meanwhile, give genuine, heartfelt reasons as to why they're looking for love and feel the Married At First Sight experiment is their best shot at finding it. Our hearts are officially broken.
Nine had already released Troy's audition tape to the world a few months earlier - perhaps because he receives a Tinder notification in the middle of it:
This article previously appeared on marie claire.