The 28-year-old fashion trailblazer candidly opened up about her miscarriage and her difficult journey to conceive.
"By last June at the Beverly Hills Hotel, it had already been seven months since I first learned that I was pregnant with a nonviable fetus and six months since the pregnancy ended. We had passed all the milestones, including the would-be birthday of the baby-that-never-was," she wrote.
Leandra continued with a very honest description of the lengths she went to, to conceive...
"I had tried everything that winter to recover: acupuncture after three rounds of Clomid (an ovary stimulator), infrared sauna emergence, yoga, meditation, hypnosis and Letrozole (an ovary stimulator — and breast cancer treatment method, actually — that purportedly works better for thin people), journaling, progesterone, a mood-lifting diet, a fertility diet."
And the heartbreaking struggle that came along with that...
"But none of it worked. I hoped it would eject the darkness that trailed me like an annoying cough, but it only threw me in deeper. I felt shame every time a sun salutation didn’t put me at ease. I cried when I was too scared to meditate because I didn’t want to be alone with my thoughts. That fertility diet was bullshit. None of it worked because I hated myself..."
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Fast forward to July when Leandra learned of the pregnancy, despite her joy she confesses she may have not shared the news at all, for fear of causing pain to other women who are currently struggling.
"When another afflicted woman would emerge on the better end — uterus full and all — I would feel betrayal. It was twisted. But now, because in some ways I have become a totem for infertility, a human talisman of despair for my comrades to lean on, I feel that I am the betrayer, and as a result, a twinge of shame and a bit of guilt and a lot of self-awareness neatly wrap my evolving pregnancy."
Leandra is now 22-weeks pregnant with twins, and sharing her message of compassion. Regardless of whether you're even thinking about pregnancy, it's an inspiring post about self-acceptance which you can read here.