Over the weekend, Katy Perry has been live-streaming her life on YouTube as a way of promoting her new album Witness.
Perhaps hoping for some insight into the day-to-day life of the singer, KatyKats were not prepared for such an intimate and personal look into the Bon Appetit singer’s private life.
During her record 96-hour, Big Brother–like live-stream, Katy Perry (real name Katheryn Hudson) broke down in tears during a therapy session as she confessed her struggles with suicidal thoughts and her desire to live a more authentic and "real" life that was sincerely true to her real self.
At one point she spoke to her therapist, Dr. Siri Sat Nam Singh, and Katy confessed her hope of splitting from her "pop persona" to instead live as the actual "Katheryn Hudson" (who is apparently much more of a "dork" than we know). Katy continued to explain that these identity struggles were actually the motive behind her new bright blonde pixie haircut. The singer explained that the dramatic new style was actually her way of breaking away from her Katy Perry character.
"I’m a bit more nerdy than everybody thinks I am, I’m just a big goofball," Katy said, before continuing to explain how, as a kid she didn't truly know how to play and has only recently grasped the hug.
Katy progressed to delve into her struggles with alcohol. It was at this point a minder is heard strongly suggesting she stops the live stream. Pushing on, Katy continued; “I wrote a song about it. I feel ashamed that I would have those thoughts, feel that low and that depressed ... You can be right or you can be loved. I just want to be loved.”
Talking Monday morning on the Today show, Katy opened up in greater detail about her struggles with identity and suicidal thoughts. Discussing her struggles with authenticity Katy expressed that "for a long time I didn't feel like the old Katheryn Hudson from Santa Barbara was anything special," she said. "You know, I didn't feel like I was enough, so I had to kind of create this character of myself."
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Katy continues to detail her struggles with mental health, confessing, "I have my own addictions that I struggle with, whether that's love or substance or things like that," she said. "It's up and down—even just attention, you know? I get so much attention and that can become addiction."
We are left in awe of Katy’s brave honesty and love her even more for keeping it so real. Every step towards destigmatizing mental health is a step we’re all for.
This article originally appeared on InStyle U.K.