The star wrote that she struggled with her decision to share.
"During the time when I was grieving over my pregnancy loss or struggling with fertility issues, every joyful, expectant baby announcement felt like a tiny stab in the heart," she said. "It’s not that I wasn’t happy for these people, but I would think, ‘Why are these shiny, carefree, fertile women so easily able to do what I cannot?’
"And then I’d immediately feel guilt and shame for harboring that jealousy — one might call this ‘the circle of strife.’ (A song I imagine is somewhere deep in the extended director’s cut of The Lion King.)," she joked. "I’ve always been one to keep my eyes on my own paper, but when it came to having a baby, that proved to be a challenge.
"So when I thought about having to share the news about expecting this baby, all I could think about was another woman mourning over her loss as I did, worried she would never get pregnant again, and reading about my little bundle on the way. It felt a bit disingenuous to not also share the struggle it took for me to get here," Rauch adds of her inspiration behind writing about her experience.
Melissa also wrote about the heartbreaking moment she found out she had lost her child, saying it was "one of the most profound sorrows I have ever felt in my life."
"The image of our baby on the ultrasound monitor — without movement, without a heartbeat — after we had seen that same little heart healthy and flickering just two weeks prior completely blindsided us and haunts me to this day," she shared. "I kept waiting for the sadness to lift … but it didn’t.
"What I realised, though, is that because this kind of loss is not openly talked about nearly as much as it should be, there really is no template for how to process these emotions," she explains. "You’re not necessarily going to a funeral or taking time off from work to mourn, but that doesn’t change the fact that something precious has been unexpectedly taken from your life."
“As much as I wanted to ‘move on’ and gain some sense of control over what happened by beating myself up, I came to understand that thoughts like that have no productive place in grief,” she continued. “Our pain is something to be worked through until it isn’t anymore. So on my better days, rather than being a big jerk to myself, I just started saying: It is okay to not be okay right now.”
Melissa finished her brave essay with an uplifting message about her current pregnancy.
“I know it’s made me grateful for every moment of my current pregnancy, and I hope it will make me a better mother in some capacity when I can finally hold the child that has been in my heart in my arms,” she wrote. “Although I can’t categorize these lessons of humble appreciation and gratitude as ‘reasons for this happening,’ I will consider them a silver lining.”
Congratulations to the happy couple on their recent pregnancy. We're proud of Melissa for speaking out about such an important and personal issue.